Healthy Self-Esteem ~ By J. D. Hawkins
The Difference That Makes A Difference
Reprinted with permission from the Joyful Child Journal,
Spring 1994.
So, what is self-esteem? Self-esteem is a primary factor in how well
or how poorly an individual functions in society. When we think well
of ourselves, we tend to take command and control of our lives. We
behave responsibly toward our duties and toward others. When we suffer
from low self-esteem, we become passive and look to others for
direction and fulfillment or we seek some ready way to compensate for
our feelings of inadequacy. Often, that kind of behavior is likely to
be antisocial and abusive, either toward ourselves or toward others.
We overindulge to take out our frustrations on others.
The effects of low self-esteem are quite evident in our schools, not
just among students, but with staff as well. Today, the tragedy is
that close to one-third of our teachers suffer from low self-esteem
and burnout and the numbers are growing. They feel unappreciated and
overwhelmed and do not believe that their efforts can made a
difference. In addition, there are parents who suffer from low
self-esteem in many of the same ways. It is no wonder that crime,
violence, teen pregnancy, suicide, alcoholism, and abuse have been on
a continuous rise sine 1963.
According to Nathaniel Braden, author of Psychology of
Self-Esteem, Honoring the Self and other related books, self-esteem is
"The disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the
challenges of life as deserving of happiness." Thus, it involves both
self-efficacy (feeling "I can") and self-respect. These feelings
originate from one's perceptions and evaluations in six major areas:
Inherited endowments such as intelligence, physical
characteristics and natural abilities.
Moral virtue and integrity.
Being likable and lovable.
Being a unique human being of value and worthy of respect.
Being in control or responsible for one's life.
Awareness of one's achievements, skills, possessions and
successes.
The term "self-esteem" is often misunderstood. Critics of
self-esteem limit their definitions of self-esteem to such terms as
goodness, happy feelings, feeling good, or confidence boosting.
Building self-esteem requires more than giving "warm fuzzies,"
student-of-the-week certificates, or happy faces, even though these
are appropriate until children begin to see themselves more as
individuals (usually age 8 or 9). Efforts by parents or school
programs will be limited if the sole goal is to make kids feel good.
They are apt to have little lasting effect because they fail to
strengthen the internal sources of self-esteem.
In H. Stephen Glenn's book, Raising Self-Reliant Kids in a
Self-Indulgent World, he emphasizes these internal sources as the
"Significant Seven". They consist of three perceptions and four areas
of skill that must be functioning strong within every human being
before s/he can become a productive capable person. Anyone who may be
weak in one or more of these areas are more likely to be at high risk.
The "Significant Seven" are the following:
Strong perceptions of personal capabilities. "I am capable."
Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships. "I
contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed."
Strong perception of personal power or influence over life. "I
can influence what happens to me."
Strong intrapersonal skills. The ability to understand personal
emotions, to self-assess, to use that understanding to develop
self-discipline and self-control, and to learn from experiences.
Strong interpersonal skills. The ability to work with others and
develop friendships through communication, cooperation, negotiation,
sharing, empathizing, and listening.
Strong systematic skills. The ability to respond to the limits
and consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability,
flexibility, and integrity.
Strong judgmental skills. The ability to use wisdom and to
evaluate situations according to appropriate values.
Go To Healthy Self Esteem Part Two
Go Back To Personal Growth
