Healthy Self-Esteem Part Two ~ By J. D. Hawkins
The Difference That Makes A Difference
Reprinted with permission from the Joyful Child Journal, Spring 1994.

If a person does not display strength in each of these areas by the time s/he reaches adolescence, our jobs, as parents, educators and others concerned in making a difference become many times more challenging.

In 1970 , Stanley Coopersmith, author of The Antecedents of Self-Esteem and one of the early national authorities on building self-esteem in children and adults, outlined a five-step process for developing the elements of self-esteem. In the mid 1980's, Robert Reasoner (superintendent and present President of the International Council for Self-Esteem), Gail Dusa (teacher, parent, consultant and past President of the National Council for Self-Esteem) and Dr. Michele Borba (consultant and author of Esteem Builders) expanded on Coopersmith's five-step process and incorporated it into the school environment. These five elements necessary for an esteeming environment are as follows (as you review these, be aware of the areas where the "Significant Seven" are applied):

Sense of Security: Build a trusting relationship through dialogue, set reasonable limits and rules that are consistently enforced, insure that physical settings are safe, create a positive and caring environment, use encouragement for effort, etc.

Sense of Identity or Selfhood: Reinforce more accurate self-descriptions (e.g. anger is a normal feeling – acknowledge it by encouraging self assessment, self-control and self-discipline), provide opportunities to discover major sources of influence on the self, build an awareness of unique qualities, enhance ability to identify and express emotions and attitudes, etc.

Sense of Belonging or Affiliation: Promote inclusion and acceptance within the group/family etc. (e.g. family meetings on a regular basis), provide opportunities to discover the interest, capabilities and backgrounds of others, increase awareness and skills of making friendships, encourage peer approval and support, etc.

Sense of Mission or Purpose: Increase ability to make decisions, seek alternatives and identify consequences (natural and logical), aid in changing present and past academic and behavioral performance, teach the steps to successful goal-setting, etc.

Sense of Competence: Provide opportunities to increase awareness of success in individual competencies and strengths, teach how to measure competence by recording and evaluating progress, provide positive feedback on how to improve incompetencies and profit from mistakes, encourage effort toward a competence, etc.

Remember, self-esteem in NOT something we can GIVE people; rather, self-esteem is a PROCESS, as is parenting.

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