Mystical Union ~ Virginia Lee Page 2
When you stop seeing them as "my" children and see them as "the"
children, then your capacity to work on yourself expands. You begin to
see that it's not "your" anger or "your" fear around children, but
it's "the" anger and "the" fear. Let's eliminate all the pronouns.
CG: What is the role of sex in a conscious relationship?
SL: Whatever role it takes. Different people have different
relationships to sex. There are some conscious relationships where
there is very little sex at all or none. But there's also the kind of
mystical union where a couple has become more like brother and sister
than lovers. And there may be others where sex is a constant need to
unite and go beyond identification with the body.
Those who have done a lot of work with meditation have already been
able to reside in the realm of sensation without calling it the body,
and sexuality takes on another dimension. If sexuality is only in the
bed, orgasm is the very least you can get out of it. Above that there
is a high-energy ecstasy, a clarity that is similar to a high
seratonin state like a crystal clear night when the stars shine
through. And that comes from commitment. Sexuality can be an
incredible expression of commitment.
CG: Would you say that sex can be a barometer for the intimacy of a
relationship?
SL: Sure. But it isn't just a matter of where the relationship is at.
It has to do with your state of mind at the moment. Two people can be
totally connected but at a certain moment be working on some issue of
their own. Perhaps not having sex is the most real thing you can do in
a moment like that. Not forcing anything. Not creating anything, but
just allowing God to be present.
CG: Do you believe that people ever outgrow each other?
SL: It's not so much that people outgrow each other, it's just that
they grow in different directions.
CG: If one partner is inclined toward personal growth and the other
one isn't, should they stay together or separate?
SL: Well, certainly the best way to encourage your partner or your
children to meditate is to meditate. Of course people grow at
different rates. Even in a committed relationship where two hearts are
truly one in the beloved, both have to continue their own spiritual
practice. If you don't continue to do the practice that has prepared
you to enter the dyad, then it won't work. You can't let your personal
practice go. It is the basis of the relationship.
CG: Do people ever fall out of love?
SL: Of course. All the time. Moment to moment. Part of the teaching of
relationship is to open your heart in hell. Sometimes you feel like
you just don't want to do it anymore. It's too hard. Sometimes you
feel like saying, "I've had enough of this. I just want to screw,
drink tequila and have a taco. I want to sit in the sun." We've all
seen how much suffering we've caused ourselves and others with that
attitude. It's an unwillingness to let go of your own suffering. Then
you get to a point where you're not going to buy into the demands of
Narcissus anymore. That still small voice inside becomes more and more
distinct.
CG: Is there such a thing as a conscious divorce?
CG: Do you believe that each relationship builds on the next?
SL: Yes, if you're paying attention. Everything brings us to now. You
don't even know what's available until the voice of love replaces the
voice of anger. There needs to be as much concern for another's
healing as for your own.
CG: How would you rewrite the traditional wedding vows?
SL: I would add, "You take on my suffering and I take on your
suffering. We commit to swim across the reservoir of each other's
grief and not drown in it rather swim to the other shore. Until death
do us part is the least of it. And the part about "to love, honor and
obey"? All the slavery stuff that's in the wedding vows has got to be
rewritten. In a sense, the person who commits to that kind of thinking
isn't the person you want to marry.
How about, "I stand on my two feet and you stand on your two feet, and
then we've got four feet on the ground." Then you're really stable. I
think that the traditional wedding vows are really ridiculous and that
it's important for people to write their own. In our vows, which are
published in Embracing the Beloved, we just commit to staying as
present with each other as possible. Remember, this is my third
marriage And Ondrea's second. You learn an awful lot from where you
weren't.
CG: How has your previous work with death and dying influenced what
you are doing now?
CG: How does a person best deal with the death of a relationship or
the death of a loved one?
SL: They are two very different things. The death of a relationship
can be more painful in some ways than the death of a loved one. Take a
woman who's been married 40 years. Her husband is out shoveling the
walk and dies of a heart attack. We see her at the hospital, lamenting
the death of her husband and she is full of love for him. Her life is
shattered to pieces.
Then there's the woman who's been married 20 years whose husband ran
off with the secretary. Both of them wake up to an empty house in the
morning, but one has been rejected. If someone dies, your relationship
is actually maintained. I think that the sense of loss is broader if
someone leaves you than if someone dies. The level of grief and the
level of distrust in life is greater. Not always, but very often.
CG: What do you mean when you say to love your pain, love your
disease, love your illness?
SL: I don't mean love it; I mean to send love into it. We know people
who are doing "forgiveness meditation" on their tumors. They're
finding that by sending softness into their illness, it begins to
release and open as it's bathed in mercy and loving kindness. Instead
of reacting to illness with hatred, we try and recondition people to
respond to it with love. That way, healing can take place. We are
teaching people to enter with mercy and awareness into those areas
they have withdrawn from in fear.
CG: Is that the essence of miracle healing?
End
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