Yet we yearn for a sense of belonging – whether it be in an intimate relationship, within a family, a circle of friends, an organization, or world society, or our universe. We also long for a sense of togetherness and connectedness with others. For most of us, that search is directed at finding our true live or "soul mate."

What Is Soul?

Webster's New World College Dictionary defines soul as, "an entity which is regarded as being the immortal or spiritual part of the person and, though having no physical or material reality, is credited with the functions of thinking and willing, and hence determining all behavior." Webster's definition of soulful is, "full of or showing deep feeling."

And a soul mate is, "A person, esp. of the opposite sex, with whom one has a deeply personal relationship." Soul-searching is "Close, honest examination of one's true feelings, motives, etc." Thomas Moore writes in Care of the Soul that "soul has to do with genuineness and depth.

No Time for the Soul

It would seem, based on these definitions, that in order to find our soul mate, we need to think, feel, and act at a deeper, more spiritual level in order to produce a more soulful connection with another person.

In another of Thomas Moore's book, Soul Mates, he states that, "The soul has a strong desire and need of intimacy, and it loves vernacular life – the particular place, family, friends and neighborhood that are part of our lives." Thinking and feeling at the deeper level that intimacy requires takes time – one needs to be mindful, to reflect, to feel.

Today's culture does not necessarily support this kind of soulfulness. We have a need for immediate gratification and fulfillment, which reflects the hectic pace and lack of time that most of us experience on a daily basis. A quick response when we meet a potential partner reveals our desperation for a committed relationship – at whatever the cost – even when the potential for a long-term relationship seems slim.

Finally, our society is on the move. We live in temporary homes, have temporary jobs, and share our time with temporary friends as our old familiar neighborhoods give way to new developments. Where is the soul in our lives?

Lack of Soul is Nothing New
In Care of the Soul, Moore quotes the 15th century author, Marsilio Ficino, "The mind tends to go off on its own so that it seems to have no relevance to the physical world. At the same time, the materialistic life can be so absorbing that we get caught in it and forget about spirituality." What we need, Marsilio says, is soul – "in the middle, holding together mind and body, ideas and life, spirituality and the world." This could have just as easily been written today.

How Do We Begin?
The first and most important step is to develop ourselves as soulful, spiritual beings, identifying what we want our life experience to be, then drawing other like-minded, soulful people into our lives. We need to take the time to connect with ourselves, our lives, and the people we meet.

Based on my experience teaching students in the areas of personal and professional development for nearly 20 years, I can honestly say that most people never get to this first step.

They simply go through life looking for miraculous results with each and every social encounter, wishing and hoping to find a spark that ignites between them and another person.

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