Articles & Inspiration.


How Saying No Is Empowering

by Jaki Sabourin

“You have my word.”

It’s a phrase we’ve all heard many times over.

I’m betting you’ve also said it yourself a time or two (or ten, or more)!

But…have you ever said that to someone and come to regret it later?

We often tend to blurt out a promise of help, or a great idea, or an offer to volunteer for yet another “something” when we know, we don’t really have the time or intention to follow through.

This leads to a lot of uncomfortable and stressful situations, either when you eventually back out (leading to guilt and hurt feelings) or when you suck it up and do what you said you would even though you didn’t want to (leading to resentment and frustration)!

A recently published article on psychological research on social acceptance and rejection stated:​​

 “For proof that rejection, exclusion, and acceptance are central to our lives, look no farther than the living room, says Nathan Dewall, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. “If you turn on the television set, and watch any reality TV program, most of them are about rejection and acceptance,” he says. The reason, DeWall says, is that acceptance—in romantic relationships, from friends, even from strangers—is absolutely fundamental to humans.”

We’ve all been there. The question is, why?

A main reason is that we all crave acceptance and approval from others. Who doesn’t like to receive positive feedback and gratitude? Besides, it’s very, very hard to disappoint people we care about – in fact, many of us downright fear it, worried that we’ll lose the relationships that matter so much to us.

The thing is, when you say yes to everyone else, you have no time or energy left to say yes to yourself!

So, let’s work on changing that.

Let go of the guilt and don’t automatically say yes to every request that comes your way. Take time to consider the cost to your time, your wallet…your sanity! 

Eventually, you’ll get good at discriminating what to take on, and what to let pass you by.

Saying no is empowering!

When you say no to others, you’ll be able to say yes to yourself that much more often!

Yes to the possibilities!

Yes to the right relationship!

Yes to more adventures!

Yes to helping those you really want to help!

You’ll be amazed at the sense of control you’ll feel when you save the phrase “you have my word” for the people and activities that truly fill you up and bring joy, fullfillment, purpose, happiness and fun into your life. 

Still conflicted about telling people no? Here are a few way gentle ways to save your sanity and your karma!

I can’t, my family needs me that day.

I promised myself I wouldn’t add anything to my plate until I was feeling 100% rested again!

Normally I would, but lately, I’ve committed to keeping weekends sacred and clear!

Give it a shot and you'll see how empowering saying no really is! 

Jaki Sabourin is a Heart Centered Executive Love Coach for successful women and the founder of Engaged at Any Age® programs.  She is a sought after Author, Speaker, Healer and is committed to teaching, healing and empowering women to do their deep internal work so they can be free from limiting beliefs to get Engaged at Any Age® She was married to her Match husband at the age of 50 and after being single for 8 years. You can find her on Facebook, and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.